Mind Control

How I wish this were a how-to post. I really do wish I had an easy answer for you.

I can just image more than half my potential audience turning away that I’m not presenting this information in the easily digestible and easily forgettable format but that isn’t the way that life works.

It happens in a flow of data and doesn’t give you the secret-decoder ring until it’s too late to action on the flow.

Trees- moodily planted

For example my father died the week before last and I attended his funeral last Tuesday. The reality of his death only struck home (and the reality that he COULD die) when I found him dead in the hospital bed and body was still warm.

The argument with my brother still hanging in the air and I cried like a baby at my fathers body. When the incident was over it was like nothing had happened and life seemed to go on as before.

Things becoming real again when I was reading my eulogy for him at the funeral and finding it hard to finish a paragraph I had only added the morning before the funeral.

I wish I could make this post into a simple “I’m sad and I miss him” post- that would be easier but it would be beside the point at best as I only really miss him when it becomes obvious that he is no longer living.

At that point, perhaps for the first time in my life, I feel tears spring into my eyes WITHOUT any deliberately emotive music creating them. Honest tears. The tears where I don’t give a fuck about anyone or anything and want to lash out physically to anyone who tries in invade my space or dare to give me condescending pity.

Why do I call this “Mind Control”? Because it frankly is- with the proviso that I’m not actually controlling the content or direction. Irony.

Perhaps If I continue to write blogs regularly I’ll be able to nut things out and be able to live with myself.

Exciting – at least it should be